This was the month of so many more firsts, and when I looked at you just last night as you fell asleep in my arms, your tiny dimpled hand resting on my heart and you nuzzled in, I just stared at you and marveled at how big you have become. You’re looking more like a little boy than a tiny baby. You are springing in your playpen, pulling yourself up on to your knees wanting to explore and see the world more and more, all the while I am fighting to keep you small. I’m just not ready for another month to go by.
It’s too much. It’s too soon.
If there were a way to bottle up every month, so I could savor it and go back to it whenever I wanted, I would. Each month has brought us new surprises, new adventures, more life, love and zest into our lives. You continue to amaze us, bringing me and your daddy smiles, and not a day goes by we don’t say to each other, “Gosh, we just love our boy.” Because we do, so love our boy.
The way you light up when Huck walks into a room, brings a toy, or just sits next to you sends your arms flailing, and an excited squeak and squeal leaves your lips. You just can’t contain it. He is your favorite. He’s growing more patient and tolerant of your grabbing, and letting you play with his paws, or yesterday tug his ears. It’s not often he reciprocates the affection you show him, but when he comes by and licks your face, my two favorite boys make my heart explode all over again.
This months we made a day trip up to Skagit Valley to see the Tulip Festival and see the colors and share the sunshine. It was a beautiful, sunny, but cold day, but you had so much fun looking at the colors and being carried the whole time by Daddy. You weren’t having anything to do with your carrier and just wanted to be held so you could see it all. While sometimes we might find it inconvenient to hold you all the time, because that is your favorite way to see the world, I know that when you are able to see the world on your own terms and don’t need me to help you do it, it will break my heart. My goal is to help you grow and see the world on your own, but selfishly I don’t want to miss any of it. I want to be there for it all, and for now I will enjoy it. Everything else can wait, my time with you can’t.
You’re working so hard on growing up, this month cutting your first tooth, and practicing your standing. I’m trying to resist the urges to push you back down, and tell you it’s too soon, but what else can I do, you’re amazing and learning so fast, and growing so strong. Maybe we will just skip this crawling thing and go right to walking. Every milestone is special to us. And the way you light up when you learn something new just brings us such pure joy.
You’re on the closer side to one year old than you are a newborn, and it’s shocking that it really does go just as fast as everyone says it does. You love your dog, eating, spending time outside absorbing it all, and going on walks. You hate not being held, but I know that will not last forever, so I will try to savor every snuggle and moment, even if my arms are shake with every added ounce you gain. Your little duck fuzz hair is so soft and it just brings me the greatest joy to kiss it every chance I get, of which there are so many.
Keep being, simply, incredible baby boy.